1
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,273
Where the hell are we?

2
00:00:23,857 --> 00:00:24,857
Nowhere.

3
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:25,984
What do you mean, "nowhere"?

4
00:00:26,151 --> 00:00:27,986
- Do you know "somewhere"?
- Yes?

5
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,530
That's not it.

6
00:00:30,572 --> 00:00:31,782
How can we
be nowhere?

7
00:00:32,449 --> 00:00:35,369
Well, there's one thing.

8
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,788
I don't really know how to explain it,

9
00:00:37,955 --> 00:00:43,919
except like a ball
of omnipotent cosmic shit.

10
00:00:44,586 --> 00:00:46,338
And she really
doesn't like you.

11
00:00:46,505 --> 00:00:47,839
But she doesn't know me.

12
00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:51,176
Yes you do. She knows everything.

13
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:54,179
She trapped you in the comics.

14
00:00:54,346 --> 00:00:55,346
ARRESTED!

15
00:00:55,389 --> 00:00:56,431
And, when you left,

16
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,850
she changed the entire store
to where we are now,

17
00:00:59,017 --> 00:01:02,563
which is where we are not.
Because it isn't.

18
00:01:03,313 --> 00:01:05,399
Why the ball of shit
Don't like us?

19
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:08,235
This will require a demonstration.

20
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,486
Legal.

21
00:01:14,491 --> 00:01:15,491
TALES FROM THE UNIVERSE

22
00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:18,996
Fourteen billion years ago,
there was nothing.

23
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:24,376
A photo of nothing. Very useful.
I couldn't imagine.

24
00:01:25,252 --> 00:01:26,336
Go ahead, Kyle.

25
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:30,882
Nothing, except for a conscience,

26
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:35,596
that our brains perceive
like the aforementioned ball of shit.

27
00:01:35,762 --> 00:01:37,431
I can't see.

28
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:40,851
Thanks.

29
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:47,441
Then came the Big Bang,
which led to the creation of everything.

30
00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:50,611
It cost.

31
00:01:51,403 --> 00:01:52,904
What does this have to do with us?

32
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:54,698
Honey, he's getting there.

33
00:01:54,865 --> 00:01:56,116
Thanks.

34
00:01:56,283 --> 00:01:59,870
The conscience was deeply
unhappy with creation.

35
00:02:00,037 --> 00:02:01,788
Hated everything about her.

36
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:06,752
The planets, the stars,
the parsley, the Vaseline, everything.

37
00:02:06,918 --> 00:02:10,672
She missed the peace
and the silence of infinite nothingness.

38
00:02:10,839 --> 00:02:13,800
- I understand.
- What do you mean, do you understand?

39
00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,971
Have you ever been to Costco in a Black
Friday? It can be very distracting.

40
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,723
I'm confused.

41
00:02:19,890 --> 00:02:22,726
This awareness
caused the Big Bang?

42
00:02:22,893 --> 00:02:25,145
Yes, and if you find her,
don't talk about it.

43
00:02:25,312 --> 00:02:26,438
It's a sensitive point.

44
00:02:26,605 --> 00:02:29,358
Once again,
What does this have to do with me?

45
00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:34,821
You broke this quantum thing,
that opened a crack in reality,

46
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:37,783
allowing consciousness
your first opportunity

47
00:02:37,949 --> 00:02:39,910
to end the whole thing.

48
00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:42,037
The whole thing being the universe?

49
00:02:42,204 --> 00:02:46,458
Every universe, every molecule,
every atom, everything.

50
00:02:47,209 --> 00:02:50,712
You're trying to stop me from undoing
what I did to be able to undo what you did.

51
00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:51,880
Well put.

52
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:55,801
What was that?

53
00:02:56,551 --> 00:02:57,551
What was what?

54
00:02:58,553 --> 00:02:59,971
Laughter, I heard laughter.

55
00:03:00,138 --> 00:03:02,849
- I didn't hear anything.
- Wait, are we stuck here forever?

56
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:07,938
No. Forever is a period.
We are here always.

57
00:03:08,605 --> 00:03:10,273
At least we have
lots of things to read.

58
00:03:11,608 --> 00:03:14,319
Right.
Didn't any of you hear that?

59
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,281
There it is again.

60
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284
DON'T SKIP!

61
00:03:21,451 --> 00:03:23,662
WE HOPE YOU LIKED
FROM SEASON 1

62
00:03:25,747 --> 00:03:28,500
YOUR AFFIRMATION COMPLETES
A DEEP HOLE WITHIN US

63
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:33,547
VERY DEEP

64
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,340
YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW

65
00:03:35,507 --> 00:03:38,427
COMEDY IS NOT WRITTEN BY
EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE

66
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,846
BUT IF YOU FIND IT FUN,
OUR SUFFERING WAS WORTH IT

67
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:42,889
DO YOU KNOW ONE THING?
THIS IS TOO SHARING

68
00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:44,975
ENJOY THE ENDING!

69
00:03:54,651 --> 00:03:57,571
My God, what have I done?

70
00:03:57,738 --> 00:03:59,573
- What it was?
- What it was?

71
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:03,535
If Kyle is right, I am
responsible for the imminent destruction

72
00:04:03,702 --> 00:04:07,038
of everyone and everything that ever existed
and will always exist.

73
00:04:08,165 --> 00:04:09,165
Anything else?

74
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,084
What else is there?

75
00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:13,002
Let it go.

76
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:18,842
How is this happening to me?
Denise, I'm a simple man.

77
00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,051
I wake up in the morning,

78
00:04:20,218 --> 00:04:23,346
I put on one of my pants and go
work in a comic book store

79
00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:24,681
who never earned a dime,

80
00:04:24,848 --> 00:04:27,434
except the year I set
fire in it and I received the insurance.

81
00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,020
Have you finished lamenting?

82
00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,939
Don't take it from me.
It's the only thing I do well.

83
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:36,609
Enjoy.

84
00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:40,155
Wait. How did I get here?

85
00:04:41,364 --> 00:04:43,909
Kyle explained. The ball of shit.

86
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:47,245
No, in this room.
How did I get here?

87
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:48,412
I don't know. Walking?

88
00:04:49,039 --> 00:04:50,874
I don't remember coming in here.

89
00:04:51,041 --> 00:04:53,001
There are many things
that you don't remember.

90
00:04:53,919 --> 00:04:54,919
What does this mean?

91
00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,547
Don't you know? I won't tell you.

92
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:07,265
Hello, fetal position,
my old friend.

93
00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,771
- Why do I bother?
- Any problems?

94
00:05:12,938 --> 00:05:14,481
Your best friend
forgot my birthday.

95
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:17,526
You know he has
a lot to deal with,

96
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,194
with the end of the universe and everything.

97
00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:21,780
I've heard that from him.
I don't need to hear from you.

98
00:05:21,947 --> 00:05:22,989
Do you want me to talk to him?

99
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,659
No way. Don't say anything.

100
00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:27,911
Denise, Bert,
Do you want to be amazed?

101
00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:31,039
We're in a comic book store
floating in nothingness,

102
00:05:31,206 --> 00:05:35,043
while an omniscient consciousness is
about to destroy everything that exists.

103
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:38,421
So, the batten to stay
amazed is very high.

104
00:05:38,588 --> 00:05:42,133
Everything we've been through
It's in these comics.

105
00:05:42,300 --> 00:05:45,136
Here are cow stomachs.
Here is the paradise world.

106
00:05:45,303 --> 00:05:47,347
We're kind of the assholes on this one.

107
00:05:47,514 --> 00:05:49,224
Here's one where Gary dies.

108
00:05:49,391 --> 00:05:53,520
Here's one where Gary dies.
This is another one where Gary dies.

109
00:05:54,187 --> 00:05:55,187
Gary.

110
00:05:56,356 --> 00:05:58,817
Denise, I want to apologize.

111
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:01,236
Really? Why do you want to apologize?

112
00:06:08,785 --> 00:06:11,454
Look. Your trip to the hospital.

113
00:06:11,621 --> 00:06:12,956
Here's a good one.

114
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,500
You are all underwater,
with gills.

115
00:06:15,667 --> 00:06:17,294
We've never been underwater.

116
00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,256
- Maybe it hasn't happened yet.
- Can I see this?

117
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,509
- You punched me with the flu shot.
- I am really sorry.

118
00:06:29,097 --> 00:06:30,307
What the hell?

119
00:06:33,268 --> 00:06:34,268
What it was?

120
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,731
- Didn't you see that?
- What?

121
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:43,194
I don't know, there's something wrong.
I feel like I'm going crazy.

122
00:06:43,361 --> 00:06:45,780
It happens when we get older.

123
00:06:45,947 --> 00:06:47,240
Speaking of getting older...

124
00:06:51,494 --> 00:06:54,372
What's that noise?

125
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:06,217
- What are you doing?
- Eating a cupcake.

126
00:07:06,968 --> 00:07:08,595
No, you are
eating the outside.

127
00:07:08,762 --> 00:07:10,430
I don't like the filling.

128
00:07:10,597 --> 00:07:12,891
The filling is
which makes them dumplings.

129
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:15,143
Do you want the filling?

130
00:07:17,479 --> 00:07:18,479
It's fine.

131
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:23,776
What are you looking for?

132
00:07:23,818 --> 00:07:27,238
It's a shot in the dark, but something that shows
where we are and how we get out of here.

133
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,282
Can you leave?

134
00:07:30,825 --> 00:07:31,825
I don't know.

135
00:07:31,868 --> 00:07:34,371
What do you mean, you don't know?
How can you not know?

136
00:07:35,372 --> 00:07:38,124
My best guess,
Willful ignorance?

137
00:07:40,543 --> 00:07:41,544
What was that?

138
00:07:42,212 --> 00:07:44,005
- Thanks.
- What?

139
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,174
There are people laughing.

140
00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,259
Yes, but it's a fake laugh.

141
00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:50,845
Did you hear anything?

142
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,597
No, I didn't hear anything.

143
00:07:53,264 --> 00:07:55,392
Denise,
Will you tell me what I did wrong?

144
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,061
I can, but I won't say.

145
00:07:59,521 --> 00:08:00,605
Again.

146
00:08:00,772 --> 00:08:02,565
I'm freaking out.

147
00:08:04,275 --> 00:08:05,485
Holy crap.

148
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:09,489
What was it now?

149
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:13,159
Don't you see this?
The whole store has changed.

150
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,746
It was all lit up.
That wall is gone.

151
00:08:20,041 --> 00:08:21,584
I see a wall.

152
00:08:23,545 --> 00:08:25,130
Let me talk
something with you.

153
00:08:25,296 --> 00:08:28,216
If this store exists
outside of space and time,

154
00:08:28,383 --> 00:08:31,136
we are getting old
Or are we still the same?

155
00:08:31,302 --> 00:08:33,013
Dude, I just work here.

156
00:08:33,805 --> 00:08:34,973
It's a good question.

157
00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:38,935
We are frozen in age
what do we have? No more birthdays?

158
00:08:39,102 --> 00:08:41,646
Look who suddenly
remembered birthdays.

159
00:08:44,983 --> 00:08:47,235
Can someone explain to me
What's happening to her?

160
00:08:48,028 --> 00:08:49,362
You forgot her birthday.

161
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:51,281
Is that what this is about?

162
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:55,493
With everything that's going on, she
Are you upset about your birthday?

163
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:58,788
It seems superfluous
to the main story.

164
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:03,126
Right,
Now I'm freaking out too.

165
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,296
Here's a fun question.
Where did this food come from?

166
00:09:08,006 --> 00:09:09,758
Szechuan Palace.

167
00:09:10,425 --> 00:09:11,801
And how did you get here?

168
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:13,928
Uber Eats, DoorDash, one of those.

169
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,095
Of course, that's fine.

170
00:09:15,221 --> 00:09:19,726
And they deliver to comic book stores
that exist outside of time and space?

171
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,063
Maybe iFood.

172
00:09:30,028 --> 00:09:31,028
Denise.

173
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:35,492
I don't want it to seem insensitive,
but being trapped by an evil entity

174
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:39,537
and omniscient in a cosmic vacuum is not
More important than your birthday?

175
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:42,707
I think it's for you.

176
00:09:44,209 --> 00:09:45,376
Denise, listen to me.

177
00:09:45,543 --> 00:09:49,130
I love you and I will do anything
to make you happy.

178
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:50,465
Except remember my birthday.

179
00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:54,803
Let me try again.

180
00:09:56,554 --> 00:09:57,554
Denise.

181
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:58,848
Yes?

182
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:00,100
Happy birthday.

183
00:10:00,809 --> 00:10:01,809
Is that it?

184
00:10:01,893 --> 00:10:05,855
<i>For you Congratulations to you</i>

185
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:07,022
Please stop.

186
00:10:07,023 --> 00:10:08,483
Sorry. So, are we okay?

187
00:10:08,650 --> 00:10:09,984
Do you think we're okay?

188
00:10:11,194 --> 00:10:12,194
Yes?

189
00:10:15,907 --> 00:10:17,283
No?

190
00:10:21,412 --> 00:10:23,331
- Is there any food left?
- Dumpling meat.

191
00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:29,963
It's too late
for a surprise party?

192
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:32,632
This is still
birthday nonsense?

193
00:10:32,799 --> 00:10:33,925
Shut up, Kripke.

194
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:37,345
Pay attention.
How do you know it's your birthday?

195
00:10:37,512 --> 00:10:39,264
What do you mean, how do I know? Knowing.

196
00:10:39,430 --> 00:10:41,474
Is it really? What day is it today?

197
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:43,476
Second? Would you have?

198
00:10:45,270 --> 00:10:48,273
As you think about it,
Bert, say something funny.

199
00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:52,402
Two peanuts are
walking on the street. One was robbed.

200
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:57,073
See the last page, Columbo.

201
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:07,292
"Stuart Can't Save the Universe,
a new comedy, coming to CBS in the fall."

202
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:08,458
What is CBS?

203
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,254
It's an old TV thing,
is not the question.

204
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:15,633
Somehow,
We are in a comedy.

205
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,218
I thought we were
in a meaningless void.

206
00:11:17,385 --> 00:11:18,385
Same thing.

207
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:24,017
And Denise's birthday
It's the stupid subplot.

208
00:11:24,684 --> 00:11:26,227
Don't call
my idiot girlfriend.

209
00:11:29,105 --> 00:11:31,107
Look at the wall that isn't there.

210
00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:37,614
Where did she go?
How can there not be a wall?

211
00:11:38,573 --> 00:11:41,534
Better question: What is
behind where is she not?

212
00:11:44,787 --> 00:11:46,039
Someone should find out.

213
00:11:51,586 --> 00:11:52,837
Why are you looking at me?

214
00:11:54,005 --> 00:11:59,761
Because, for some incomprehensible reason,
You are the star of this show.

215
00:11:59,928 --> 00:12:01,596
ADAPTATION | REVIEW | SYNCHRONY:
EMAIL | loschulosteam@gmail.com

216
00:12:03,431 --> 00:12:04,807
It's fine.

217
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:06,976
All good.

218
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:10,730
I guess then it's up to me.

219
00:12:17,403 --> 00:12:18,446
Stuart, wait.

220
00:12:20,114 --> 00:12:21,199
We don't know what's out there.

221
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:24,369
There's only one way to find out.

222
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:26,496
I love you.

223
00:12:26,663 --> 00:12:27,914
I love you too.

224
00:12:40,885 --> 00:12:42,845
My God, what is happening?

225
00:12:43,805 --> 00:12:45,348
I'll tell you
what is happening.

226
00:12:47,016 --> 00:12:49,394
You're back on the market.

227
00:12:50,061 --> 00:12:51,312
You are a scoundrel.

228
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,859
Well,
I think it's just the two of us, man.

229
00:12:57,026 --> 00:12:58,026
No.

230
00:13:02,073 --> 00:13:04,409
- Well, I guess it's just the two of us, man.
- No.

231
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,622
This hurts me.

232
00:13:13,042 --> 00:13:14,210
Ladies and gentlemen,

233
00:13:14,377 --> 00:13:17,046
are ready to find
our cast once again?

234
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:20,717
Let's shake this place up!

235
00:13:20,883 --> 00:13:24,262
You will show them
how much they love the program!

236
00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:27,140
Get up
and make a lot of noise!

237
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:31,352
Let's welcome our incredible cast.
Playing Barry Kripke,

238
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:36,107
a round of applause
for John Ross Bowie.

239
00:13:44,907 --> 00:13:51,080
Like Bert Kibbler,
the hilarious Brian Posehn.

240
00:13:54,250 --> 00:13:55,626
What the fuck?

241
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:58,338
You know her, you love her.

242
00:13:58,504 --> 00:14:01,799
Like Denise, Lauren Lapkus.

243
00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,641
And the star of our show,

244
00:14:11,851 --> 00:14:14,979
the guy who can't
save the universe,

245
00:14:15,146 --> 00:14:18,024
our own Stuart Bloom,

246
00:14:18,191 --> 00:14:22,904
the first and only
Mr. Kevin Sussman.

247
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:34,916
This can't be happening.

248
00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:36,083
Let's get out of here.

249
00:14:41,464 --> 00:14:43,966
Thanks for coming.

250
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:47,011
We hope you had fun.
We definitely had fun.

251
00:14:47,178 --> 00:14:48,179
STADIUM

252
00:14:48,346 --> 00:14:50,223
- We do this for you.
- But also for the money.

253
00:14:51,974 --> 00:14:53,309
Good night everyone.
Drive carefully.

254
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,526
What is all this?

255
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:04,736
Are we dead?

256
00:15:05,696 --> 00:15:07,490
Or maybe never
we have been real.

257
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,450
Of course we are real.

258
00:15:09,617 --> 00:15:12,620
Products of the imagination do not have
irritable bowel syndrome.

259
00:15:12,787 --> 00:15:14,497
- You too?
- Yes.

260
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:16,499
What do you do?

261
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:18,751
You have to learn
dealing with stress.

262
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:22,171
And it seems counterintuitive, but you
want a little less fiber.

263
00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:25,091
- Interesting, I'll try that.
- My God, can you stop?

264
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:27,760
We just passed by actors
who interpret us.

265
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:31,806
This must be more urgent
than the quality of your bowel movements.

266
00:15:31,973 --> 00:15:32,974
You're right.

267
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,853
I don't want what happens to me
in the bathroom to my worst enemy,

268
00:15:37,019 --> 00:15:38,271
but you're right.

269
00:15:39,230 --> 00:15:41,899
At least we have each other.

270
00:15:44,318 --> 00:15:45,403
So, what now?

271
00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:50,450
I don't know.

272
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:55,079
But I have to believe that the answer
It's out there somewhere.

273
00:15:56,205 --> 00:15:57,331
In Burbank?

274
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:00,460
Or in Studio City.

275
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,524
Do bananas count as fiber?

276
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,109
For sure.

277
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,130
STUART CAN'T
SAVE THE UNIVERSE

278
00:16:46,297 --> 00:16:49,675
TWO AND A HALF WOMEN

279
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,220
YOUNG LEONARD

280
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:04,649
I only gave you one task.

281
00:17:51,112 --> 00:17:53,114
Subtitles: Renato Amorim